Who Am I Today?

Greetings. In my last post, I wrote about authors and writers while I was thinking about the great books which I have read, and have yet to write. Although I am no philosopher, I have read a large amount of philosophy about a plethora of topics such as comedy, God, time, space and man. In all honesty, I haven't absorbed all the information in these books. Frankly, I don’t know if it is possible, and I am not sure if I would like to see what I would look like if I did. I imagine I would look like a mad alien scientist in children's cartoons with their heads swollen and veiny from all that information stored within. I suppose if that were to happen I would be very popular at parties and I would have to own a very large number of hats to hide my terrifying head... But I digress.

I have read about identity in some of the books on my shelf, but the concept has always baffled me. How can someone say who they are? I find that people are always changing, becoming different people based on experiences, much like Aristotle would say. Here is how I see it. Does anyone know/remember what Spin Art is? For those of you who don’t, I will try to explain. You take a square piece of white paper and you place it on a machine that makes it spin. Then, as the paper spins, paint or glitter or whatnot is applied onto the paper to form the art. Once done, the machine stops spinning and voila, you have spin art. I made several as a child at fairs and such. I’m sure some of you are reading this (the whole 2 or 3 of you) and wondering "is this another ridiculous tangent?”. Well, surprisingly, it is not. I think spin art can be used as a metaphor for our identities and how experiences influence us. We are born as the piece of paper, and then we experience things which throw paint on us, making us who we are. But, with each turn the paint spreads thinner, or in a different direction, even uncontrollably. Sometimes we have too much paint, or too much of one color and everything becomes a mess. By then it is too late and the spinning continues none the less. You can’t go back and try to remove the paint. I suppose we would call those "regrets". Whether or not you agree with my little metaphor, as flawed as it may be, I believe we can relate to the constant movement of life and the ever changing concept of identity.

Who am I? Well, that is really nothing of consequence. In honesty, I prefer the anonymity of my little piece of the digital world. Here, I am completely honest, free from influential scrutiny. Of course there will always be people who disagree with me about my blog, think I am wrong or foolish, or that I should never have written anything at all. These people are not the ones that fall under the category of "influential". The people who are influential, like my family, close friends and people I trust, have no idea that this blog even exists. It is all part of the mystery that is me. You see, I am a deceiver. I adapt to the people and events around me, which is why if you asked me "Who am I?" I would not be able to give you a real answer. I am who I need to be that moment with that person. With my family, I am the honest, obedient, hardworking and loving child. With my lover, I am the flirtatious, supportive, helpful, loving partner. With my friends, I am the loyal, fun-loving, drinking and smoking companion. With my boss, I am the efficient and productive slave, and so on and so forth. With each category of people I am a different person, never revealing all of myself, almost as if the other parts of me never existed. I change who I am to adapt to who I am with and what needs to be done. Who am I? Hell if I know. Perhaps all this lying and adapting IS who I am. Maybe, I am simply the adaptor. Then, who am I here? In my little corner of the digital world, where no one knows who I am, or what I look like, who do I get to be? I suppose the simple answer is, myself. There is no family or boss or group of close friends that can influence me here. I am free to think, feel and write as I choose. It is refreshing. Who am I today? I am me, at least for the time being.