Mothers

Hi. I would just like to announce in advanced that this is be a venting post. Generally I don’t like to vent online. I find writing relaxing in the “forcing out the rest of the world" kind of way, not the " pouring out emotion onto paper" kind of way. But this is going to be the latter. On another note, mothers are one of the toughest, most loving and strongest people on the planet and I have the highest respect for them. My mother is also a good mother. She has done her best..... but.... this woman has instilled a deep hatred for my body within me. Here is a fact, I am not fat. My mother is the only person that thinks so, including my grandmother who happens to hate all signs of fat. Every time I am drinking a soda within my house, or there is a soda in my car, I have to get a shake of the head, or a disappointed look from my mother, as if none of my other accomplishments amount to anything. Went to college, continuing my education, good job, no criminal record, don’t drink much, they don’t know I smoke..... BUT OHHHH NOOOO.. THE PEPSI!!! THE PEPSI!! OH THE AGONY!!! Every day, my mother attempts to motivate me to work out by first asking me to go walking with her, because it seems to be less insulting if she includes herself in the activity. She likes to say things like " we both could afford to lose some weight" or "lets motivate each other!"... It’s painful. She is like a bitter camp counselor. On top of that, she also LOVES to comment about every single woman on TV and talk about how skinny she is, or how good she looks now that she has lost weight. Also, every article of clothing which simply hangs on person without revealing any hint of the shape of the midriff has suddenly become "flattering" and anything else that might hint at there being hips or a little fat is suddenly "ugly, unattractive and 'not for me'".  Every romantic relationship I had always had an obstacle when it came to my weight. My lovers, try and try again, could never convince me that I was attractive in the slightest. I cannot accept compliments or any argument contrary to what my mother has instilled within me. I loathe mirrors, spanx, clothing and bathroom scales. The funny thing is, I would have no problem losing the weight. I don’t have a problem with my weight, but I see no problem with losing a few pounds and being a little healthier... but the fact that it would make my mother so happy just breaks my heart. I lost weight once, and I was pretty happy... but then my mother began to overly praise me and kiss my ass and talk about how proud she was of me.... now that I gained the weight again.... no more pride. So thanks mom.... I look forward to paying my student loans and therapy bills....