Unraveling

Good Evening. Did you ever feel like your world was unraveling around you? Like you’ve suddenly lost control of your life? It’s not that your life has to be horrible, or crashing down around you, but you’re not in control, as if it was happening detached from you. I feel like that sometimes and what bothers me the most is that I used to have such a wonderful grasp on my life. One short year ago I knew what I was doing, where I was going, what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be. The funny thing is, I am where I wanted to be and I am doing what I wanted to do, in some regard, but in others, I am completely off the mark. I planned to be furthering my education, which I am doing. I am doing all the right things in that department. I also planned to be engaged. Just a side note, when I say that, I mean that it was highly anticipated since I am in a long term relationship and whatnot, not that I wanted to be engaged per se. Man, did the ball get dropped here… It seemed that the further I pursued my education, the faster my relationship deteriorated. I found people on my campus, and I am so sorry to say this but, they were better than my partner. They were smarter, wittier and had more in common with me intellectually than my partner did. All conversation between my partner and I went from discussions about everything, to discussions about the boringness of our days and the fucking weather…. the weather… seriously. This was the person I was SO sure that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and I am bored. It’s gotten to the point that we barely call each other. We have nothing to talk about. How do I explain that to my partner? How do I look into their eyes and say “I’m sorry, you’re boring” or “ You’re not enough”. How am I supposed to destroy them like that, when the person that has really changed is me? I am the one who’s standards have risen above what they were. I am the one who is no longer satisfied. I am the unhappy one. Who’s to blame here? Hell if I know. Basically, my love life, as much as I hate talking about it, is falling to pieces. I don’t even know if I can honestly say that I love my partner. My partner is smart, charming, attractive and sweet, but they are not the smartest, nor the most charming, nor the sweetest. What do I do? Do I settle with the person that I have, knowing that there are others out there who I can have better relationships with, and thus seal my future with an eternity of “what ifs”? Or do I leave and destroy their hopes and dreams and potentially make the largest mistake of my life? My world seems to be unraveling around me and some people are being left behind. I don’t know how to save them, how to take them with me, or how to convince myself to make a decision.