There is a struggle that I am currently experiencing that I don't think many people experience in this country. I am not saying that I am the ONLY person going through this, but I have yet to meet anyone who is, or at least willing to discuss it. So I am discussing it now.
Most Americans over the age of 18 have, at one point or another, dealt with the decision to leave their parent's home and start their own lives. For some people, the transition is smooth and well supported. It might naturally come with the attendance of college or getting a job far from home. For others, the transition might be more strenuous. They might be pushed out of the house before their time, or perhaps they didn't plan for it well.... Then, there are people like me.
I have never left home. I never had that "1st apartment" or had to bunk up with a roommate that uses all of the toothpaste. I never lived in a dorm on campus, or moved in with a long term boyfriend. Hell... I never slept over a friend's house... Some of you might have fallen out of your chair by now. You might even have your arms in the air going " why... WHY?!". Well. I will tell you why. If I move out of my parent's home, I will be disowned... It's as simple as that. Good little girls don't leave until their married. It's the norm within my community and it's driving me crazy. I crave and yearn for my own place. I would happily take the smallest crappiest apartment if it meant that I could have the freedom to do as I pleased. Please, do take note that when I say "do as I please" I am not referring to breaking lose and wreaking havoc on the planet. I am not some repressed rebellious teen. I don't want to have the freedom to go out and drink until I can't walk, or come home whenever I want. I want the freedom to have silence. I want the freedom to open my laptop and write without someone coming up behind me and staring over my shoulder, or asking me what I am doing, or asking me to do something else. I want the freedom to have my own personal space and to know that it is mine and that I have some kind of domain there. I want a small corner where it is peaceful and I don't have to wonder if I am going to be walking into a sea of tension or tears. I want the freedom to study or read when I feel that it is appropriate for me, not when other people think I should.
Unfortunately, I am not allowed to have those simple pleasures. My culture dictates that I have to stay with my parents until I am married. If I ever decided to break this tradition ( something which I am heavily considering) my family would disown me. I would lose all financial support from them. I would also lose all affiliation with them. They would no longer speak to me or acknowledge me. I would be dead to them. I love my family dearly. They are very important to me, but so is my freedom (along with my sanity). I am unsure of what I should do. On the one hand, I would love to keep my family, which is very integral in my life. On the other hand, I want to be my own person and have my own place so that I can start my life. I wish life could be a little easier.
